craftyness

another weekend over

I can safely say Im pleased that the weekend is over. Yesterday wasnt so bad. I made the dog from shaun the sheep out of fimo. It is quite cute, i must admit. Today I went out with my helper, went for a wonder around a sports shop and bought some trainers at a bargin price which is always good. Its always better when its not raining. Im looking forward to this week as im meeting up with some friends that I havent seen for a few months. I have also booked a few card craft sessions, oh I think there is an addiction coming on haha.

Wants the weekend to be over

Dont know why i hate weekends so much, even though I always manage to make sure i fill my time,I still really dread them. tomorrow ive got a day of crafting, which i should really enjoy but feel so very exhausted, all i want to do is sleep. Today I said goodbye to my physio assistant lady she is so kind. She has helped me loads with public transporty stuff which has saved me a fortune. She said that she would keep in touch which is nice. I went out for 11s coffee to starbucks, but really couldnt be bothered and not looking forward to spending most of sunday with her, oh i miss my bubbley week helper, she has gone swanning off to france again for another 2 weeks, she always makes me laugh. I hate it when I dont know what to do with myself.

Having a really rubbish day, went to a craft class but didnt really enjoy what I was doing, doing it for the sake of passing the day. I then went to mooch around town again wondering aimlessly, looking at clothes I didnt really want or need. Thoughts and feelings racing through my mind,felt I was about to burst into tears but managed not stop that one. But then felt humiliated by the fact that I feel in a clothes shop and was unable to hold onto anything toget myself back up. A small chinese woman spotted me and became panicked on how she was going to help me, telling me she had damaged her back macde me feel worse, she then managed to collar a young woman who between them both helped me up. I hurried out of the shop in shame and anger that a 28yr old cant even do the simpliest of tasks arhhhh. Icant help but think about an old friend who hasnt contacted me for over a year, I have now made the executive descision that it is more damaging to keep her mobile number and keep her as friends on facebook. Harsh and maybe immature and slightly selfish I know, but thats the only thing I can do right now. Hope my week gets a little better, got an appointment tomorrow with an O.T but she is really enthusiastic and its a bit overwealming right now. Hope I get through it ok. I had a breakthrough last night having ate pizza with a group of people I meet on a regular basis. I was very scared but managed it,and felt lightly proud of myself having not ate pizza for over a year.

Having had one hell of a week, i feel the need to write about it. One burning question i have is why...
Somedays I feel like locking myself away and not leaving my flat but when then does happen i feel so restless I just end up going out anyway, life is somewhat of a crazy world to live in. I wish I could just stop impulsively spending because it is really starting to get to me and yet no one actually listens. Having therapy is really hard, having read the "formulation" that has come out of my assessment period I feel somewhat unsettled by the terms used etc. Although walking back home helped me to process what had been said and the questions I should have asked but will now have to be left for another week! I sat in the art gallery cafe supping coffee and eating crumpets before i headed off to play wheelchair basketball. It was refreshing to see disabled children with some much energy about them. It always inspires me and keeps me motivated when i see a mother who is a wheelchair user who also has a young disabled daughter. Having left the session early due to dashing off to my tuesday night group, i felt good not only that I left the game knowing that my team was on a winning game but also how I watched the disabled mother try and get her daughter out of her wheelchair when she tipped up doing a relay exercise, and yet the 8yr old kept calm untell help came. How strong they both were and even though as a mother she would of felt helpless they worked together in order to get over the incident. I then had to endure a tricky taxi journey home with a muslim guy who asked me why all british think muslims are terrorists, and why it is wrong for muslim women to wear the hijab but british girls can wear next to nothing. It nearly ended in a heated debate having expressed my opinion that not all british women dress in this way or think it is even acceptable! Saturday was quite enjoyable spending my day doing card craft at a workshop, run by two older sisters who refuse to shorten my name, which is rather annoying, but become acceptable over the years I have been going there haha.

a misty saturday

today was a little strange, full of cold and wondering how to spend my weekend. I was rudily awoken by my intercom, i knew it would be a parcel delivery man who couldnt get into the flats they just buzz the first person on the enterence board. so annoying. I just curled back under my duvet reflecting on the crazy week i have just had. I decided to take a taxi into the shopping centre and wonder around, drink coffee then take a leisurely walk back through the park back home which gave me thinking time and reflect on issues. I love the park near me but really dont understand the sign no bikes or dogs off leads as I had to dodge the bikes and the scary dogs along my journey! eek i really dont like dogs. The day has been ok i guess and got some plans for the coming half term as disruption from my rountine causes me great stress for some reason i am yet to discover why! A chinese new year card from my ex carer in hull cheered me up some what. I feel slightly disturbed by a friend who contacted me wanting to meet up today i replied an hour later and she had already made other plans! quick work, or i am just being used as a distraction to her days and not a friend of any meaning? or am i over analzing again! I made a point of not contacting some friends as I was tired of it always being me doing the arranging and within a week of me disguising my decision with professionals, the people contacted me! oh i feel a little selfish but i live a very black and white life. Now my brain feels clear of clutter and i can have a more relaxing end to the day.

reality hits home

sometimes things are hard to deal with no matter how much people tell you, you can do it. The motivation has to come from within yourself. Finding your inner strength is the key to a happy life.